i used to say that i have no plans of pursuing a modeling career. i hated the whole modelling thing. i mentioned before that cover girl models lower the self-esteem of a lot of girls, including mine; they give influence to girls to become skinny thin. everytime i browse a Seventeen or a Teen Vogue magazine, my eyes roll at the sight of the long-legged, barbie-faced creatures in front of me. an ordinary person who hears the word "MODEL" often thinks of long legs, fair complexioned, thin, long hair, big boobs or, in some cases, flat ones, seductive eyes, luscious lips and so on. but i tell you, it's not just about MY insecurity that i'm talking about. this is about my FRUSTRATION. my friggin' frustration of becoming one of them.

when i enrolled at UST, my grandma was so excited for me. she insisted that someone will come up to me and offer me his/her calling card, wanting to hire me as a ramp model perhaps. ehem, i'm not being so thick-faced here, okay. i have THE height but not the looks so better say nothing coz my self-esteem is decreasing by the minute. anyway, after a few weeks in manila, i went back to Pangasinan to spend the weekend. my mom was preparing dinner when suddenly she asked, "Oh, anak, meron na bang naka-discover sa'yo?" This is what i hate about some people. there are just others who unintentionally give "hurting" remarks right to your face. Not that i hate my mom but didn't she ever thought of how BEAUTIFUL models are. yeah, yeah, yeah. i know, ma. you think i'm pretty. of course, YOU'RE MY MOM for crying out loud! tsk. tsk. RELATIVES. but then i shrugged my shoulders and began eating.

i forgot about that issue for a couple of weeks but my mind couldn't help but bug me. as i hopped from one profile to another using my Friendster account, my attention was caught when i saw a picture of this girl who was bending her back like what pilita corales does when she sings. unfortunately, the girl was no p.corales fan. she is a friggin' ramp model. i saw her pictures and she looked good. typical model. enrolled at john robert powers blah blah. then, it came back to haunt me. WHEN WILL GOD TRANSFORM ME INTO ONE LOVELY DAMSEL??? i don't want to be the damsel in distress forever, you know. when will the time come when i'll see myself on the covers of the magazines? when will i be able to do my "THING" on the catwalk? [whatever that thing is, we have to find out coz i myself am a bit confused here.] should i start saving my food allowance for a nose job? wait, not my food allowance. let me rephrase that. should i start saving my laundry allowance for a damn nose job???

i hate it when people say that it pays to be patient. how long should i wait before the ugly caterpillar turns into a beautiful butterfly? or am i already transformed? if that's the case, the hell with those who interrupted right in the middle of my metamorphosis.!